


but the pain never went away

by theotherlucifer



Series: Lucifer One-shots [3]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: 2x06, Hurt, Sad, sadlucifer, selfharm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theotherlucifer/pseuds/theotherlucifer
Summary: Takes place 2x06 (Monster)Lucifer is not over the death of his brother
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Lucifer One-shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561798
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63





	but the pain never went away

He ruined _everything_. He killed his own _brother_. He broke his _therapist_. He deserved to be punished.

v^v^v^v

He laughed softly as he pushed the blade deeper into his arm. He smiled, though tears continued to sprint down his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered into the room. "I'm sorry I ever existed." And then he lay, on the cold hard floor of his penthouse, waiting for the pain to go away as the life drained out of him. And he watched as the thick red blood seeped out of his arm and Azrael's blade fell from his fingertips. And he smiled. And he saw how pale his arms had gotten and he picked up the blade once more. One more slash. And he let his life fade away...

But then the elevator dinged.

And he knew in that moment, that free will was an illusion. 

He wanted to be punished but oh the big guy would not let him. Manipulating him, over and over. Oh, God never let him do anything he actually wanted unless it suited him. "I'm doing what you want! I'm leaving earth, I'm leaving everything." He screamed at dear-old-dad as a waterfall of tears continued to abuse his face. "It's my punishment," He screamed out again. "It's supposed to be the one thing I'm good at," he whispered as the salty tears fell into his mouth. And he heard the footsteps coming. And closed his eyes as he prepared for what was coming next.

And he opened his eyes and he screamed when the detective walked out of the elevator and ran up to him. And he cried "Please go away! Please let me fucking die!" but she wouldn't leave and he knew that. So he continued to cry, as the paramedics came and took him away and he continued screaming at them to be left alone. To let him die. _Please._

And his heart clenched as he saw her face and saw the tears that streamed down her cheeks tainting her beautiful face. And he stared at her sadly as his stretcher was pulled into the ambulance. And he cried then again and he could feel the pain in his chest grow stronger as his heart ripped apart inside of him. And he screamed more. "I'm sorry," He cried out, choking. 

He was the devil; evil incarnate. He was poison to _everyone_.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, to nobody in particular as he slowly drifted off and let the darkness take him. And he prayed he would never wake up.

v^v^v^v

And much to his disappointment, he did wake up. And she was there beside him. And the pain in his heart seemed to increase. "I'm so sorry," He choked out in a whisper. She looked up at him then and softly smiled at him. "I didn't mean to hurt you," He croaked.

"I'm here for you Lucifer, just please don't leave me," She whispered to him gently, taking his hand.

And the pain in his heart seemed to have faded then. And he smiled into her deep blue eyes. And he felt his arms throbbing with pain and he saw the bandages the covered his arms. And a silent tear crept down his face. And his eyes now felt like lead, they begged to be shut. And he found himself once again drifting off into the darkness. Only this time he hoped to wake up. He could never hurt _her_. 

v^v^v^v

And this time when he awoke she was no longer sitting by his side. And for a moment he panicked until he heard the little girl outside. "Lucifer!" Trixie screamed running to his bedside. "Mummy said you were hurting, and I thought you could use a friend! I don't want you to go away Lucifer, I love you!!!" The girl said, wrapping her arms around him. And before he could even contemplate what he was about to say he found himself replying. "I love you too, urchin." And he hugged her back. And he smiled then, he could never hurt her either. And he vowed he never would.

And he looked up and saw Chloe standing in the doorway, her eyes filled with water. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I didn't mean to make you cry." And she walked up to him and held his hand, rubbing his hand with her thumb. "These are from joy," She smiled and looked down at the small girl that lay in his arms. And he understood then and he nodded. And he hugged Trixie tighter to his chest.

And he smiled again as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes. And he took her hand and held it tightly. 

He wasn't going to leave them.


End file.
